Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
