I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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