Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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