sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
