yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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