You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
