im drinking this country out of the recession.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
