Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
