Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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