I'm going to jail i love you
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
