Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My cat gives me a boner
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
