ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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