Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
