i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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