Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
