Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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