Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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