He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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