R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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