he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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