Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
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Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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