I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
