He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
