so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
