my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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