this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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