You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
