Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
