And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
