Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
