mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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