I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
