Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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