she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
