k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
