Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
