Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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