No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize