Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He has the fingertips of a God
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
