I'm eating all of the evidence.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
