i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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