Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
