my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
