just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
