your thong is hanging out like whoa
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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