I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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