The maid of honor just puked.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
