this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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