shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
