It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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