I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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