Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
