The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
