can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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