apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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