Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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