wrigley field is MILF paradise
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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