i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love having hate sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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