just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
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But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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