I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
