I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
