Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's always time for handjobs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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