and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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