just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
