I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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