Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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