when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The Olympian is in my bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
