You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize