He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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