8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
