i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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