I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
