I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
