why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
